Your proposal day, step by step

How we plan it

We plan the whole thing over text, since you're probably reading this in the same room as the person it's about. Four things to settle:

• The spot. Somewhere that means something to you two beats any list. If you don't have one, I'll suggest a few. The proposals page has a few spots around Lincoln that work well.
• The time. The last hour or so before sunset is the best light of the day, and it's also when a park looks its best. I look up sunset for your date and give you an exact time to be standing at the spot.
• The scout. I go to the spot ahead of time, check the light and the angles, and find where I can sit without being noticed. Then I send you a pinned location so you know exactly where to stand.
• A backup spot. I pin a second location nearby in case the first one has a family picnic on it when you arrive. You'll have both pins on your phone.

If the spot is inside a park or a venue, check their own rules before the day. Some places have hours or rules about where you can go, and I'd rather you read them from the source than from me.

The cover story

You need a reason to be at that spot at that time that sounds like you. A walk before dinner. A sunset you want to see. A place you've been meaning to show them. The simpler it is, the better it holds. Pick something that wouldn't be strange if it were true.

Dinner reservations after are a good anchor. It gives the evening a shape, it explains why you're dressed a little nicer, and it gives you somewhere to go while you're both still shaking.

The signal

I'll be shooting the whole time you're at the spot, but I need to know when it's actually happening so I'm ready for the second the ring comes out. We agree on a signal beforehand. Something you can do without it looking like a signal:

• Setting a bag or a jacket down on a bench
• Taking your hat off
• Stopping and pointing at the view
• Turning to face them with both hands in your pockets

Pick one that you wouldn't do by accident earlier. Then do it clearly. You don't need to look for me and you shouldn't. I'll see it.

Where to stand and which way to face

The pin I send you is the spot. When you get there, walk to it and stop. A few things that make a real difference:

• Face the light. I'll tell you which direction that is. Their face is the photo, so the light needs to be on it, not behind it.
• Leave a step between you. If you're pressed together when you kneel, I can't see either face. Arm's length is right.
• Don't block their face with your body. When you turn to them, stay a little to one side so the camera sees both of you. I'll show you on the pin which side.
• Go slow when the ring comes out. This is the one people rush. Get the box out, open it, hold it up. Give it a full breath. The reaction happens in that second and slow gives me more frames of it.
• Stay down for a moment after the yes. Let them come to you. The hug from the knee is one of the best frames there is.

What to tell your partner, and when

Before: nothing, obviously. But two small things help. Suggest they dress a little nicer than usual, using the dinner as the reason. And if they'd want their hair or nails done for photos they knew were coming, find a reason for that to happen this week. A gift certificate, a friend's suggestion, whatever works. Don't push it. If they figure it out, they figure it out, and the photos are still good.

After: I walk up, introduce myself, and that's the reveal. Finding out a photographer was there tends to land as a second wave of it. Then we shoot for a bit while you're both still glowing. If you'd rather tell them yourself before I walk up, say so ahead of time and I'll wait for a wave.

The nerves

You're going to be nervous. Everyone is. Here's what actually helps: eat something a couple hours before, because shaking gets worse on an empty stomach. Know your two or three sentences before you get there, but don't memorize a speech. Take a breath at the spot before you start. And remember that you're not performing for me. I'm far away and I'm not in the moment. It's just the two of you.

The ring goes in a pocket you can reach with one hand, without looking, and that you won't sit on. Practice getting the box out at home a couple of times. That's the one physical thing that goes wrong, and two tries fixes it.

What happens right after

Give it a minute. Hug, cry, call whoever you have to call. I won't walk up in the middle of it. When there's a pause, I come over, say hi, and we start a short portrait session right there in the best light of the day. Ring photos, the two of you at the spot, a few walking frames, and whatever you want. It's quick and it doesn't feel like a photoshoot. You are both already glowing and I just point you at the light.

If family or friends are hiding nearby for a second surprise, tell me beforehand. I'll keep them out of the frame until you wave them in, and then I get the group.

What to bring

• The ring, in a pocket you can reach one-handed
• A tissue or two, for both of you
• Moisturized hands. Hands are in every ring photo
• A small bag or jacket if that's your signal
• Your phone, charged, with both pins saved
• A bottle of water in the car
• Dinner reservation details, if that's the plan after

What to wear

For both of you: coordinate, don't match. Colors that go together, not the same shirt. Muted colors hold up better in evening light than bright ones. Cream, tan, olive, navy, rust, deep green, burgundy. Skip big logos and tiny busy patterns. The full version of this advice is in the what-to-wear guide, and it applies here too.

For you specifically: something you can kneel in. Check the pants. Wear shoes you can walk in, since we'll move around a little for the portraits after. If it's cool out, a jacket you like, because it will be in the photos.

For them: you can only nudge, so nudge toward the dinner outfit. If they show up in whatever they'd wear on a normal Tuesday, that's also fine. It will look like them, and that's the point.

The gallery afterward

You get a sneak peek of the moment first, so you can announce it with your own photos instead of a phone shot from a friend. Then the full edited gallery comes on the date we agreed when you booked. Every photo is retouched. The gallery is private and online, and it's yours to keep and share.

Half of the price holds the date, and the rest is due when the gallery is delivered. If you're already thinking about engagement photos or the wedding, say so. Both live with me too.